Last night something appeared in my room. More a spectre than a shadow. Multidimensional and fluid. It wasn't glued on the walls, or in any place the ligh might cast. It was like it hovered in a space between the particles. Like it was tearing through fabric. It had a flesh, a solid matter underneath a thinner veil. Metallic blacks and blues like paints mixing. It morphed through many shapes, dancing above and all around me. What I could discern as it's stomach resembled your belly. It's silhouette resembled your hair and the shape of your face. It caressed my cheek with hands that could only be yours and burrowed into my chest and neck the way you used to. I spoke to it and offered my hands, I could feel it's touch. I could have sworn it was you. It seemed to be trying to tell me it was. I was probably hallucinating. psychotic depression is a subtype of major depressive illnesses usually a hallucination due to depressive psychosis centres around symptoms of depression such as worthlessness. Schizophrenic hallucinations are more likely to be bizzare and implausible. It's possible a major depressive and co-morbid mood syndrome could cause dissociation and hallucination. But I wasn't discociative and I'm not schizophrenic. This spectre wasn't harmful. Most of interactions I've had with other realms or unexplainable presences have had a dark and frightening sensation. This being was playful, it was pleasant and reassuring. At different points in my life I've attempted to train my brain into lucid dreaming. semi recently I was doing it more and I was achieving some interesting results. A hypnagogic hallucination happens as you are falling asleep. They can be sensations, smells or visions that seem real. But I wasn't falling asleep and it stayed with me for a long time. I consciously checked the lighting, this wasn't a shadow. I attempted convince myself that I am in a semi lucid dream state but it did not disappear, and i did not wake up. Everything else in the room was as it should be and more i interacted with it the more it seemed to enjoy itself. It's possible the recent lapse in creative outlet has manifested this. The widespread neural network responsible for creativity and imagination, spanning all four hemispheres of the cerebrum and cerebellum, may have become so backed up and bored as to have almost short circuited and created vision of something my heart is currently missing. Loneliness and isolation cause severe stress, which would only compound the cortisol and adrenalne. Coupled with a lack of motivation to get out of bed, a lot of time spent sleeping, and generally not excercising my brain. it would be like a glass filled to the brim with all of these chemicals. Heartbreak releases of cortisol and adrenalin, leading to physical symptoms, nausea, difficulty breathing, Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, it can be fatal. Scans have shown that the symptoms of heartbreak within the brain are similar to cocaine withdrawl. The brains reward system is missing its dopamine fix. The reward system is the brains most primal. It takes on average 3 months for our brains to rewire from it. It's possible a combination of the brain trying to rewire from heartbreak, cortisol adrenaline, an overactive melatonin and oxytocin from lucid dream work, co morbid depression and anxiety, a build up of neurons in the cerebrum and cerebellum, a starvation of human contact have all combined to manifest a being to give me company. Is it a hallucination bought on by agoraphobia? Or is it a spirit come to comfort me? When people talk about shadow beings they are always dark or evil humanoids. Shadow beings have been around since the dawn of time The quoran mentioned pitch black sapient beings. Is this friendly Ghost? Another soul travelling through dreams to reach me? Is it a succubus come to use me? Is it a Vættir or draugr? Is it my subconscious hamartia, warning me of of the heel that uproots my comedy into tragedy? Whatever it was, whether it's based in lore or limbic system, it's the first time in months that I've felt peace, comfort, still and happiness. I hope it comes back again